He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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