8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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