Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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