he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
