Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
