im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
