I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
