what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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