well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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