I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
