just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
