If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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