Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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