dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
