I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
