end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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