He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
