I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
