the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize