i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
