guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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