From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
