Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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