I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
