Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There r osticjed everywhere
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
