You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize