i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
