one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
