On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
