haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How's work?
Spinning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
