be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
