Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
