I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
