Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
