Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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