Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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