If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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