Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
