They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
