So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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