Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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