Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
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you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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