Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
