I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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