He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
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Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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