It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
