Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
