who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
