I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
