To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
