At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
