the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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