What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
