Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She even gives head with a lisp.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
