The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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