Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
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the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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