Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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