I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she told me i tasted like america
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
