If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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