Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
