my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
